Numb and slightly ridiculous.

It's been a long time since you had a gut feeling.
And first, I couldnt understand but soon I took it that it was a message, a sign.

I am a person with plenty to say but slowly, I was taught to keep things to myself. To control.
I like to deny. It's bad habit. Not proud of it but dont know how to change it.  But because of that, I've been blinded with what is true or the truth.  Right now, it might be a sign. I keep things to myself because when I say it out loud, I'm scared that it will sound..

crappy? tacky? weak? pointless. 

So what have I been hiding? It's killing you havent it?
What I hid is that I miss you.

I miss that friend of mine. I regretted that day I put you down as a friend. I regretted the day I lost your trust and respect. I regretted that now you have to put limits and boundaries. But I told myself it was for our own good. You are much wiser, mature, well experience than I am. I maybe older by few months but that doesnt mean anything cause you're knowledge is bigger than mine. You know what you're doing.

It hurts with this kind of friendship with have right now, I dont want to complain.
Maybe I'm just being greedy and selfish, but in a way I feel less appreciated than before. I expect and hope for alot of things. Chill, I do too not only you. :D But I kept it to myself, telling myself I'm being ridiculous. The things I do at first was to protect myself and in hope to protect our friendship but apparently, it turned out likewise.

I've never been so attached or clingy to a person. I've never been too dependent to a person.
And I know, if I did maybe I'll be in trouble. Last year, around this time of the month, you said your reasons for being unease about few things, (hinthint) you know who. For me, it was overwhelming yet slightly terrifying cause I see this coming. And what I mean by "this" is this thing going on right now. the disappointment, insecurity.

Apart from my nature of being friendly, it was a reason for me not to be too clingy to you. To make myself feel detach. But right now, with all the "freedom" you gave due to your new perspective and limits, I dont know what I'm thinking anymore. Lost. Well, for me its a start of a stepping stone. Soon, we'll be parting our own ways and I'll have to learn to accept it no matter how hard it's gonna be. Although I despise your way that the fact that you like to emphasis on our status as "just friends", I'm not gonna complain cause you have your rights.

I tried to be patient, I tried to be humble. I tried to be cooperative,
I tried to be understanding. But I dont know now. I dont know where are we head, or where I'm heading right now. Why? Cause I've been hiding alot and didnt took it to consideration that it might be something. I don't know what's right for this friendship anymore but all I know is I'm just gonna stick with the flow.

The reason

The Reason.
The reason why I love short films. The reason why I love film making. The reason why I love cinematography. The reason why I love artistic ideas. The reason I love indirect message through pictures and story lines. The reason why I love simple creativity. The reason why I love the beauty through media.

Wong fu Production has always produce fresh stories. Both deep and hilarious. They're young at heart and adult by vision.  Definitely an inspiration to all the film makers out there. WONGFU4LIFE

The video above elaborates and portraits alot of this. It's not the surface message between two, but the depth of each Who, What, Where, Why and How.

The message of life.

Ziiiiiiiiiiiing!

Done with le review. HAH! The finals here. My Last.
Need to work hard. To graduate. InsyAllah. :)

Along the way

My classmates.

I can never be as respected as Kama, I can never be as adorable as S.I., Aisyah or Shifa, I can never be as hilarious as Amira or Hasanah, I can never be as smart as Widad, Fateha, Wiya or Adillah, I can never be spunky and lively as Billy, Farlat and Shira, I can never be as artistic as Halimah and Cha, I can never be as nice as Q and Faey, I can never be as awesome and loyal as Zepak and Fana, I can never be as polite as Aisyah and I can never be as true as Skin.

I can never compete with them cause they are always better than me. :) I am at the bottom of the chain.  They are nicer and way cooler than me and they are definitely one of few awesome bunch I will truly remember. :) Thank you for sharing the journey with me. Thank you. Thank you making this fun and easy during the two years here. I pray the best and only the best for you girls. May you all be bless with a bright future and rezeki insyallah. :) At the same time, I take this opportunity to apologies for everything that I have done. Truly from the heart. Please do pray for me alright? ^^

I love you girls #2C. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

You can have many friends, but there are only few you can rely on for Akhirah.

Hi Juara!

Hahahahah. I know you've been waiting for this for a long time right? :D To Nur Adillah Rihat:

She is a friend with full of talents. Always there when I am the lowest point. Lowest I can ever be and always seek to me to be at the highest point just to see me smile. I can never forget the things you've done for me. If it wasnt for you, I would still be slacking. If it wasnt for you, I would still be in misery hiding, If it wasnt for you, this wont be as lovely. I may not be that incredible good friend but she is definitely always the one. One of the few that I'm the most comfortable with. A person I can depend on.

I am not always with you, but you will always be there for me. Behind every smile, usually only she knows that behind it. Gives me the strength and the comfort for me to get back up again. Thank you.

One day, we shall sing again. See you next time. :)

FINAL LAP

Every beginning has its end.

Well, the day before was my last day studying in Madrasah Aljunied Al-Islamiah. Inysallah if I do well, then that's it for me. Amin.

I waited for years after my return from Canada to fulfill my chance of going back to where I truly belong and Alhamdulillah when the moment arrived I got in! After almost two years, here I am making my leave again. I'm still living in disbelief that, this is it.

The girls and I decided to put a little something for our juniors. It was something small but we had a mission. A goal to reach out to our juniors. THE FINAL TILAWAH. I was an honored to see the whole bunch of us working together putting our hearts and soul despite our busy works and test piling me. We had trainings, misunderstanding, up hills and downhills to make it hall. Alhamdulillah it was a successful event.

Our journey to the final will begin the next following week. All the best you girls. You will always be in my prayers and may we graduate together as a whole bunch. Insyallah with flying colors. Amin.

I'll just keep it to myself.

Last night was incredible. It was too splendid.

But tonight, I'm drained.

Interview > Story

I've been writing. Writing for days.
It's different from blogging. Whatever runs in your mind, you just write it down. It acts as a mouth.
But this kind of writing... I'm dying.

Currently finishing. Still more to go.

But it a life time experience.
Thank you for the opportunity. :)