19th

To the two of the few amazing girls that changed my life:  

Happy 19th Birthday Darlings. 

Rusda Wahid, 

You got the cutest cheeks with the perfect tajam tudung. You own one of the brightest smile anyone could ever own and definitely one of my favourite smiles. You got the most makcik and funny voice and laugh that tickles my heart. And you own a big fat good heart. You're always kind to everyone around you and you will always offer your help. You're friendly and so lovable! Keep it up girl. Share your up high spirit around like how you shared with me. Cause you were one the reason Irsyad life was easy for me. If it wasn't for you nenek, I dont know who I would be today. 

Siti Nabilah Aziz, 

I miss you big time! You give the coziest and warmest hugs. You're superb generous! You give the best words of advice and the best hearing aid when I was in need. You were so patience when I doze off in class every single lesson during Secondary Three. When I missed a lesson, you will never fail to help me catch up and make sure I am always in track. You will always get the blame when I am at fault but never blame me. You're younger than me but you were like a big sister to me. Keep on working hard and follow your dreams! Don't give up! 

To the both of you, 

I apologise for MIA-ing and not asking how you've been doing. But I can see that the both of you are doing fine. I may not be able to reach close to the both of you like how intact the both of you are right now, but all I can do is send plenty of dua for the both of you. May Allah bless the both of you with the best of Iman, Happiness, Taqwa, Rezq and many many more. May Allah guide you and make you a better abd' you were the day before. 

Happy birthday to the both of you once again. :) 

phone call right now.

I'm just going to keep swinging. I'm just going to keep swinging with a smile. 

Every swing has an up and down. 

twenty six.

Ain had a dream. A lovely dream.
She whatsapp-ed saying she dreamt that I, Hasanah, Amirah Sari, Insyirah, Shaakira and Syaf was in UIA right infront of her hostel together. The sisters had to Amin that dream. It could be a sign. Insyallah. She would love it that happen as a De Javu. Insyallah kulu Kheir. :D

Headed Geylang road today with Team Jacket of The Year for our grad jacket.
Excited and thrilled for it. Insyallah it will bring us as one. ^^

26 more days to FYE.. 

Daily doze.

Now I know who I am. Where I stand. Takpe Takpe.
Today's your day, tomorrow will be mine! Muhahahahaha.

Found out few factors why I tend to doze off in class. Experiment under progress.
Today in twitter was sad. There's no respect or unity and we call each other brothers and sisters. Something to ponder on dont you think so?

"Be humble.." 
"Be patience.." 

Just the weekends.

"Live while we're young" But of course with the proper Akhlaq. 

Live life to the fullest. :D 

The weekend was beautiful for me. I'm glad whatever happen really did happen. 

It was a valuable learning lesson. The chats, the turn backs, the advices. Simply superb. I do owe few people credits for making me strong and taught me few things that Insyallah made me a better person than yesterday. "Be humble.." 

Saturday was amazing with Team Drama. Aisyah and Marhamah. They were such darling making my day with their jokes and drama. :D We sat, talk share. It was simple but yet meaningful. Thank you girls. We celebrated Shifa's birthday bash at Vivo with many hilarious plans and outcomes. 

Mawlid Festival 2012 was SUPERB! Thumbs up. 

The Angklunites got the second gig slot and we could head home afterwards. FAIL! Since some of my girls wanted to head back inside to grab some stuff, it was no turning back from us. All we want to do is stay! Alhamdulillah, we had a spectacular time knowing our Rasulullah s.a.w. and the event really manage to reach to our hearts to remember him and lift our spirit high for Allah's Prophet s.a.w. 

to wake up.

To the kid who taught me the world is a beautiful place.
The one who taught me positivity. The one who consistently remind me how beautiful each individual is.  The one who would always remind me of God. The one who would always spare a learning lesson, a wisdom. The one would save me and pulling me up when I'm down. The one who would always make my day. The one who would always called me Miss Sunshine and kept me moving. The one who taught me to be strong. The one who taught me (how) to cry. The one who would always remind me to be good to others. The one who taught me to forgive. The one who taught me to keep it cool. The one I can count on. The one I trust most. The one that I depend on. The one with the calm voice to advice and to comfort. The one with the sincere voice and charming smile. One of the funniest person. The one of the most that can tolerate me most. The one with the most patience. The one everyone adore. The one everyone look up to.

"Let's just go with the flow" I miss that phrase.

I am no longer the same person I was before.
Agitated. Annoyed. Worried. Upset.

The mount height expectation and hopes.
Breaks apart like a glacier from the mount top killing
every beautiful thing along the way.

I'm a heartbreaker. I'm selfish. I'm inconsiderate.
I'm forgetful. I'm arrogant.
I'm not a friend.

--

I doubt we'll sit have coffee and talk about this cause maybe it's just not our thing. 
Our phone calls are different. Our texts are new.

I need to wake from the dreams that this isnt a story with a fast ending like some video in Youtube.
I need to wake up and face reality. I need to wake up to live.

Just to write.

Honestly, I think pretty much messed up.
No kid.

I wish I could write so much but I'm dehydrated of words. Too much thinking and too much breaking. Am I changing for good or for bad? Am I a victim of change or the cause of change? Or it is just me. My circle of friends has change this year. I miss my girls, no doubt. My perspective of certain things is different now. no doubt. My vibe and how I react towards things has changed. no doubt.

I dont know where this is going.

I just want to write down.
Because right now, it feels better than sharing it with somebody.
Not that I dont trust them or feel comfortable, it because the beauty of writing seems to work on me better than ever.

I bet everyone would have that moment where they wish they had the happy days
once again. And I wish I had mine.

Too much negative on me.

Need

To

Recharged!

For my best friend.

To my best best best bestfriend.

Darling, you've always been strong for the both of us. Although we may not have the best bestfriend to bestfriend kind of friendship but I'm glad your mine. My bestfriend. I admit I was never that good friend of yours. But no matter what happen, I will always be here for you. I'm still learning, learning to be a good friend.

I'm sorry for making things tough  for you, for the both of us. I miss you. I miss our primary moments and secondary moments where you're always by my side. After my leave to Canada, I felt like I was on my own and had to adapt till it turned out into a habit. I'm sorry for not being appreciative but Thank You. Thank you for being my friend, for always knowing the right thing to say, for always knowing how to calm me down, for always making me laugh. Thank you for being crazy.

Tomorrow's Monday. A new step. Uni life baby! I'll pray for your safety and Inysllah you'll be  fine. Two more days will your big day. But let's focus on Monday.

Be excited! Be thrilled! Be safe!
Love you always. xoxo

Colors in Syawal.

The two first day of the week have been really really nice and wonderful. The G'12 girl version hari raya with public transportion was just simple and sweet yet amazing. I love you girls bit by bit. :* 

Right here, Nur Insyirah Ismail. It's a misfortune (kidding) that we are stuck to one another during Audi periods. We are bound to story tale each other anything that is bothering or that has excited us. So technically, we know most of each other's story. This past few days, I'm glad that I have her around. With the bumpy road for me, she has been patient and slowly help me calm me down to get back on track although it's all on me. Thank you for having my back. :) 

Cause I'm back on track now. 

Day two of Jalan Raya With Friends was with the classmates of PreUTwoC. 

As usually, crazy as always. The atmosphere was of course different from any other. We had to make it crazy. 

The crazy begin with a game of Truth or Dare. 

PLANKING! Epic. 

Aside from that, we had our normal bonds and jokes with our Asatizahs and friends. 

Ustaz Mokshein's crib was the noisiest I think. Too much jokes here and there then he had to join the fun. 

Well what do they say, "If you can't beat them, join them." 

Ustaz Mokson was too epic to handle. "Hari ni ust tak beli roti" 

Conversation with him is up on instagram. I thought our conversation ended, but it actually went on. 

Presenting.... Our Vice Principal. 

(picture by photographer not done) 

This is our time.

Sometimes, some thing are meant to be while other are not. That's life.
Things change. It will always change. Why do you think the day will always change to night? Why do you think every girl will change and turn into a lady? Because things have to change. Just like what it happen between you and me.

We changed. You admitted. If it wasnt for me, you wont be where you're standing today. I helped you to change and well so did I. Maybe our change isnt as compatible as how we were during the old days. Maybe this is is. This is our time.

Everyday its constants arguments and fights. There will always be complains. Things are never right. Things will never be okay for suitable or fit. Incomplete expectation and hope, dismay and disappointment. Nobody can live with that everyday but that's what we face each day. one by one. It's constant backfiring. I know we're both dying inside. We have to put it to stop. Stop for good. This is our time.

Please, I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of telling myself to be patient. I'm tired of telling myself to be strong. I'm tired of thinking through what I say. I'm tried of having the dilemma to be truthful or not. Please I'm tired of getting hurt.

I slowly start to question. Is it really our time?
I guess today, this is it.

after effect Qawaid.

This week: Modular Exams. Killer.
But insyallah kheir. Dah boleh RAYA!

I'll learn to smile again One day.
Thank you the adventures.

Raya Spam

Salam Aidilfitri Everybody! :D

It's been months right? Well, its natural for every student to be lazy.

School seem fast. Boom Boom PAP! CA week is here.
A parade of test coming up. Then comes Sept hols. Then comes the HUGE EVENT.
The Raya cum Teacher's day celebration that we've been preparing. I hope it goes smoothly, Insyallah.
Eggcited.

Hehehehehehehehe. Abang and Kakak got a Nikon for themselve. Ape lagi? NIKON SPAM!

(us + nenek busu's place + camera = Raya Photoshoot) But it was rather incomplete cayse Shaakira wasnt around for our annually raya ritual. awwww. 

Just like that.

Initially, I wanted to post a depressing post about my well being this past few days and weeks and maybe months. But after talking to the right people, they changed it completely and utterly a whole new  world for me. I felt home, secure and safe. Thank you.

To my two bestfriends who always know the right things to say,
Muhammad Abdul Mateen and Nurul' Ain Nabilah.

This is for the both of you.

Oh yeah

For me to write will always be the most suitable way. To jot my feelings down, to calm myself down. But each time I turned to this blank white space, everything is gone. Snap. Just like that.

Maybe this is the point where God is testing my patience. I'm lost. I can't find myself. So technically, I'm lost in my own world.  Been doing things I'm not sure of. Not proud of it either. Mama said I have a cold heart and maybe she's right. My childhood has always been adapting different environment, background, culture and society. So, I listed few principles of life to survive. To heck care. No hard feelings. Don't be dependable on a person cause they won't last. And etc etc. It's true that I (at times)  dont really care what people think of me or what they think. Cause I just don't care.

I call that person lucky when I start to care. (a selfish statement)

For me, it was to protect myself. I be skipping around with a fragile heart.
I cannot cry cause it pointless and tiring. I should be smiling, looking at things positively and don't mind others. People leave, they go. That's just life.

"One can take the donkey to the water but one can never force it to drink..Likewise one can lead one to the truth but its up them to accept" 


Yes, I accept the qualification to be your Donkey.

Maybe I'm the cause. But you're the result. You changed too with whatever happened to you.
Yes, I can't understand you. Cause I didn't go through whatever you went through. Now you insisted that I should try to understand you. how? by going through what your path? Our experience will be different.

But the reason I can no longer understand you is because: you weren't the person I used to know.

Dah open.

So I like school today.
Very nice. Very very nice.

More annoying faces. New seating buddies. Xin msn catch up with le ladies. Canteen Food. Wash eyes (direct translation into: Malay). Teachers. Surprises. Sharks. Buying secrets. Sleeping in class. New goals. Fresh spirit. New lectures. Guests.

Well, I pray for a better semester for myself,
and for you too. Amin. ^^

Self talking.

Wongfu's Away We Happened! Second last episode? Awww.

Just got back from P4 Camp. Being FNB and Game Master sure is fun. And I learn that maybe going out of the box is fun and extra adventurous. Staying rigid dulls you. 

Things have been going out of hand already. 

Some say those who cry are strong while others say they're weak. So which one is true? 

I don't know why I'm making this into a big deal cause this can be easily handle. Maybe because I don't want to handle it? Now what does that make me? Stronger or weaker? I should respect the decision although it felt one sided. 

Should I keep being upset or should I put it aside? 

"Do whatever you want, I dont care." Should I? But won't that be lying. Part of me wants to do that but the reality part of me is banging my head and telling me to quit denying cause the truth is: I do care. 

To remember.

Survival Camp 2012 - Jakarta, Indonesia 

It was  memorable trip. Our Jungle, Our Playground.

(5 June 2012)
ITMAJ had to reach as early as 430. Earlier than the secondary three participants and everyone were being superb ITMAJ cause most of us were on time. BRAVO TEAM. Ustaz Ali gave us few heads up and expectations for the trip and soon it was time to check in and bid farewell to our parents. Garuda Airlines was such a deary for a pleasant flight. :) As soon as we reached Jakarta, it was Zoo Time. Raguna Zoo for a picnic lunch and animal sight seeing. I love the elephants there. They were so cute and so friendly. <3 Awarded the most ANTM elephants.

(6 June 2012)
It was time to hike up a mountain of trash and dirt to sell for some kachings. Some warm up games to heat up the scent around. :D Despite the "survival" in the rain we managed to collect 22,000 rupiah from the whole gang.

(7 June 2012)
Highlighted day! It was river dipping and jungle trekking barefooted. SUPERB ADVENTURE!
The scenery and the sensation feeling was brilliant. Masyallah. It was a beautiful day and the perfect to head out. I love the part when there was a dead end while jungle trekking and our only way out is to jump into the river. :D It was amazing to find the end of the river a beautiful simple waterfall at the end.
At night, it was time to self reflect. Each camper were left alone in the jungle. It was a lonnnnnnnnnng session when that happen. But for all I know, I had a nice late night sleep.

 

(8 June 2012)
I received the most intersting birthday cake from Mateen Deefan who can cook. XD Thank you you guys for the birthday song and wishes and ice creams. :) Shopping before catching our flight to Singapore.

Nurul' Ain Nabilah

Your huge stepping stone. Le future.

We barely get to hang out and do anything before you leave and now you're across border already. Our BFF friendship was never the perfect or ideal one but it's truly unique and one in a million kind of thing. You know the perfect reaction to react, the perfect word to say and simply understand what I've gone through without me uttering or explaining anything. Just by few statements and WALLA! You got me.

I've gone to several places and I could see that no one can really replace you. We got our own "how to roll" which is superb cool. Right now, it's another adventure of our long distance friendship. Hey, we've done this and we made it! So Yeah.. we can do this. We've gone through this and you're always the tough one. The fighter. You won't let anything down without any effort and girl, you're doing a fine job at it. Just like how you will doing in Uni later. You will keep fighting and keep aiming to be higher than any students there. Cause you're a fighter.

I might not be there for you always, but I'm definitely always here for you when you need me. It's just a Whatsapp or tweet away. Just beep me if you need me.

I'm sorry I havent been the ideal one to reach to you, but I'm glad and thrilled to helped you out when you're in need okay darling? :) Wishing you the very best there and good luck. I know you can do it and one day you will soar higher than you expect and make both of your parents proud. Don't worry, you'll receive plenty of food there. :D I know so. I love you kid.

Away We Happened.

I have always adore their style of filming and their goofy cuts. :D

Makes me adore more of photography and filmography.

Happy 19th

Leaving for Jakarta for 4 days. Trying to think positive since Today reported an earthquake earlier. 

Insyallah Kheir.

Well, I made a birthday wish list for 2012. 

(hehehehehe) 

1. Ticket to Sultans of Science at the Science Centre

2. Ticket to Harry Potter's exhibition at the Art of Science at Marina Bay Sands

3. Another free trip to USS (bonus!) 

4. Tons of colorful helium balloons and a picnic. 

5. Colorful Markers and a cute notebook. 

6. Few pairs of colorful socks. 

7. Your time. 

8. A trip to the bowling alley and tickets to the movie. 

9. iPhone screen protector with a new color earpiece. 

NYAHAH! 

feeling all colorful this year. We should be bright and smile.

Promote happiness. Happy June Holidays! 

It has been a long time.

It has been a bumpy road and we've been looking more to the negative rather than the greener side of the field. We've been looking at faults to see the beauty. You're right. I've been neglecting many things as a friend, and as a human too. I should be going with the flow and live life to the fullest. I make mistakes. 2012 have been rough, but it has been meaningful. 2012 is a great year, Alhamdulillah. 

Thank you. :) 

It's nice to have somebody and someone always there for you. Who is brave to own it up to you and spot your mistakes so you won't make a fool our of yourself in the future. Who would come up to the crowd just so you'll receive the best. Who would still care and concern for you despite being so mad, upset, disappointed and hurt by you. Who would be strong for you and the person him or herself too. I doubt I can that strong like you, Mateen. 

Thank you. 

Well, that's not all. I've learned many things from alot of people this year. 

From the associates I've worked with, the mentors that mentored us, the kids I've taken care of, the asatizahs I've converse with, my parents and also my annoying brother. Life can be brutal, but it's always fair because happiness will always be with you and in you every corner along the way. As long as you believe Allah is with you, you'll be safe. :) 

Things aren't changing.

What happen if things like this happen to us?
Slowly its happening don't you think so.

Where's the trust? Make me believe that you do trust me.
Why do I still see your insecurity.

19th May 2012, Wedding of the Year.

"Insyallah, we'll be sisters forever. May Allah bless our friendship, Amin.." 

From strangers to friends to close friends and suddenly we were sisters.

We wanted a friendship where we could share to our children and grandchildren and here we are,

We have our Sisterhood. 

We were still noobs until... 

Diyana decided to settle down and get married. :) 

It was such a blessful day.

Just because one of us now got herself a husband, the rest of us were being extra lady and extra grow up. We can't believe that time flies so fast and we still have each other. :) 

Mid Term Updates.

It's time for more play time.
Half of Senior is gone and even the Mid Terms are done.
28th May will determine how I did for the first half of the term well one thing for sure is that,
I'm tired.

Yupp, I am really trying. But if I would have to change 360 and start to lose myself is it worth the change? I'm trying really hard not to get again and again and again. I'm putting effort here and there. But if all you see are just my mistakes, flaws and my past. I'll leave you there. Cause today is about looking forward to the future. I dont want to sit back with the past.





4 more days to the Big Thing.

Is this it?

You win. You're right. You always have been. You deserve better than this. And I can't give you better.
I talk big. I say things that shouldnt be said. I dont do what I say. My actions are meaningless.
I can't make you feel special or be special. I can't make you be different from the others cause in your eyes, I treat the other better than the way I treat you.

I'm sorry I caused a mess around you. Just look at you right now.
I'm eating you up alive.

Your grades are sloping. Your always tired and down.
You are regularly hurt and damaged. You're losing yourself.
And I'm the cause. I'm good for nothing.

Be smart. do the right thing now.
Don't worry about me, I'll learn how to be strong.

Sky of Love, G'12.

Friday, the 13th of April.

G'12 had put first massive outing to the Marina Barrage. :D It was splendid~

Some of us stayed for the sunset while other set sail first.

We arrived there and had a group photo and other random shots. The sun was sorching and it's funny how ustazah Zuraidah, Q and myself ran away from the group to steal some air con from the shop and the bathroom next to it. Soon, the tour was start. Since most of the girls we already huddling, we decided to keep it simple. Move back behind the crowd and chill. We still learn but in a non kiasu method.

As the tour ended, we had a yummy dinner and tada. FUN TIME TILL DARK.

The sunset was beautiful. The G'12 were wonderful. Ustazah Zuraidah was too. :D

Thank You God for blessing me with these beautiful people.

tummy drama part three

My past three days have been a tummy drama. It's been like this....

My body energy level is going down.. down.. down...

But it was fine, cause I had good company during the three days. Worrying about plenty of things but I had good friends calming me down and told me all I need right now is some rest. Manage to study and do plenty of stuff which is kinda..good?

my by-your-side

When you're a little girl, all you do is play dress and be whoever you wanna be. Imaginations beyond your limits. But as you grew older, you began to stop imagining. Your imagination starts to fade its colors.

But who said I stopped? I am as wild as I can be. As jumpy as I can be. As naughty as I can be. Why? Because You gave me the imagination to imagine, the dreams to dream and flew with me around the universe like I'm Peter Pan. Priceless.

If it wasn't for you, I won't be who I am today.

I'll still be the mess I was yesterday.

Thank you.