welcome back!

It has been a long time since I've took my time to write.
Who am I kidding, I got time only I'm not making full use of it. I'm either real busy, distracted or mopping around watching videos. I'm tellin ya, media is killing me. Big time!
Haha, but it's okay cause only death can slap you awake right?

There's so many things to tell, so many feelings to rant. But there's this virus called the lazy-rus that is "keeping down" my pace. Well enough with the negativity.

Here's some light up!

My university friends have been lovely and rather supporting. I haven't had the best first semester. There's plenty of struggles going on and I've been rather messy. But they have always been there 24 hours for me and I'm telling you, TWENTY FOUR HOURS. Call, text them anytime, any day and there will always be there to give our a hearing aid. So as for now, my friends are my university highlights. I love you guys, thanks for always having my back! :)

That is all for now.

lots of love,
Shazaa.

because writing isn't my forte

Back in Singapore again! This time round, I guess I spent it wisely. :)

The week before was chaotic. 2 Mid terms and things just doesn't seem to fall into places. But Alhamdulillah, I have always believe that patience is time. You have to slowly hang in there and keep going no matter how long you are going to be. The point is, you make an effort and the result will based on what you have put into it. I've been having wrong intentions with my studying but sincerity never comes easy. Apparently, you still need to work hard for it.

Apart from my tulang belakangsss, Regime theatre band have been a great help letting myself loose and forget about worrying and thinking straight. Sometimes you just need to let yourself go, set your wings and fly. Honey, it ain't that easy that I expected. Makes me wanna take up yoga for future purposes. 23 more days til show time!

Tulang belakangs (a.k.a Nurul' Ain Nabilah and Humairah Jays) have been lovely during my uni stays. Always there for lunch, always there to lend some hearing aid, always there to offer academic, physical and spiritual aid when needed. I couldn't thank them enough for always being there. Syukran Ya Allah for sending them over as a wasilah for me to be closer to you and always remind me of you. I am a weak servant of yours, I need to always remember that and be aware of them.

Saying Special Hi *waves* to Syir, Faatinah, Najiiiiib and Naziz for always accompanying me around to study and just appearing alot lately these days! Hahah.

this should be a bright one posting

I don't want to be like any other anyone from where I came from.
At the same time, I don't want to be lost. I want to know who I am. I want to stand firm with who I am and stay solid with my own principles and stand. At least I look strong, prim and proper. At the outside at least.

But as for now,
I think I know who I am.

What's going on? What am I missing?

again, another soul searching problem.
a missing soul, missing identity or maybe a wannabe?



Why can't I just be grateful and
slowly pick up and start from there?

Travel list!

I've always wanted to see the world so I did a little homework about it.
Here are the places I would love to do.

1. Check out the clear water and play with the currents at The Phi Phi Island, Thailand.

2. Enjoy a nice camel ride around Petra, Jordan

3. Check out the sunset around Santorini, Greece

I'll update more and list up more places to go! :D

welcome home

Eid Mubarak everybody!

My Eid was simple. There was food, laughters, old folk stories and just love. Shaheed had to go back to camp that night and it was nice. The day ended with everybody exchanging hugs and comparing laughter during the dinner. :)

But mama popped in a question, "Shazaa, where did you get your mentel trait from?" haha. Bee Bam! Bonus question. But she wasn't the first to ask me that. That question has been lingering in my mind since. It seems rather petty isn't it? It won't affect the whole nation nor would it change my life. Will it? Somehow, deep down, it's a huge question for me. An answer I desperately want to know.


Moving on!
I'm almost there with my school work. I'm left with some arabic reading (which I terrible dread doing it) and a script to memorize. I'm anticipating for school, more events to happen and more people to know. But I have to keep reminding myself.. "patience is a type of courage"


Hang in there Shazaa,


keep in checkin'
S.

7D

It's mid term break! 

I didn't know that it was gonna be fast. :D But well like any other typical schools, they won't let us chill. But I'm grateful I only have 3 assignments and a mid term this break, Mai got 9 assignments in line for her. You can spelled out crazy out loud now. 

The week before the break was too pronto! My roommates got worried seeing how exhausted I am. I guess I'm one of those lucky ones being blessed with awesome and caring room mates. Always there to cheer me up, enlighten my spirit and make sure I am always well during my days. Although I'm a big bully, they never fail to laugh with me, at me and along with me. My top ups for positive vibes. At the same time, I learn something about myself. I am indeed workaholic. haha! It's just that if I'm in my momentum, I'm all out for it. Sincerity, passion and perseverance is there. 

Well then again, Eid is coming! :D 

keep on checkin'

S. 

a detour to learn

It's human nature to be negative but it's also human nature to remain positive. It's just a matter of choice.  I'm bummed and tired right now. I haven't been getting enough sleep and always trying to steal naps during lunch.

But all I'm going to say is, Alhamdulillah.

Alhamdulillah to let all the positive vibes through out my body. Take a nice nap and some smoothing therapy. I shouldn't be giving up and stay strong and keep going. So here's my lesson learnt:

1. DO NOT Procrastinate.
2. Read with sincerity and ask if you don't understand. You got awesome seniors around you girl!
3. Never underestimate and judge your peers cause they are wonderful in their own way.

University life is starting to catch up. I'm still learning this and that but it's going good.
Apart from that.. I got myself a role as a minor poet in a theatre act called Regime! So we've been breathing with our tummy instead of our shoulder. haha. :D So there you go mama baba, I'm slowly exploring the University instead of chilling at HS! (a place where you can find any Singaporeans students you want)

October the first.

Inhaling and Exhaling is needed here today for me. A new beginning for a new month! :D 

1. Idlan was nice enough to invite me to try out for Regime, a poetry play happening on the 26 of Nov. I had no intention to try out any role but decided to give it a go. To challenge myself. Pulled Ilya and Ayu to it as well and we did it! :D As we enter the room, our head was zoned out. My practice was worthless. Haha. It wasn't that bad. I was too absorb with Idlan's stories to focus for my audition so I think my audition was rather chilled as I spent my time talking to the director and stage manager more than focus on the thing. 

Afterwards, we spent two hours going through Idlan's brilliant stories and mind and start talking about our passion for real creative stories. I can never be anywhere close to his ideas or Ilya's. 

2. Aida Azlin replied my fb msg! 

Here's the part where I should be fan girling. 

I've always love the work of the114. I found her blog and started reading slowly. Her words are beautiful and inspiring. It's like I see a new angle of life, a new perspective of Islam. Something so simple and sweet. I've never felt so connected to anyone before and I think I found myself another role model, a mentor, a big sister. 

Still star strucked. 

to end september

Murtad: Menuju Tuhan.
A story about 3 different individuals in search for the strength of iman by their very own problem. Was leaving the religion the solution to all the problems? Where are all the muslims when other muslims are in need? Are we the reason for the misinterpretation of our own religion?

It's a Charity Theatre by the Aikolians to gather some money for 2 orphanage in conjunction to their fest this week. The story was simple, predictable but it was splendid! The crew really pulled it off making the whole show smooth and entertaining.

Congratulations Crew members and Theatre casts!
You did a great job. :D

This is me

I happen to be one of those madrasah students who spent her days (in facts years) in the most secure environment to develop and become a better Muslim for the society. I took it for granted. I'm ngelecting my duty and wish for something that I don't have when I should be grateful for what I have. 

 "be grateful and Allah will give you more" 

 If I'm blurry I should wear glasses and if I'm lost I should ask for direction. 
Neither am I doing anything. I'm not here to whin what a terrible Muslim I am but this is gonna be a prove that I will change for the better. I've been soul searching for quite a period of time but the same answer to my quest will always remain the same. I didn't want to accept it.  

 Today, I've seen the beauty.  

Oh Allah, I'm weak cause I'm your servant. Guide me ila siratul mustaqim and protect me along my journey to find my soul. Amin. 

first real theatre night

It has been a month already since I've labelled myself as a student of IIUM. Alhamdulillah I'm making new friends and building a new environment. Anticipating for new adventures and new things to learn. Hello strangers, I can't wait to experience new things from you. :)

Last night my seniors took me out for some shopping, dip n dip and a regional theatre to fill up my Saturday. Two cars with great company. We had out own mini adventure from genius highway U turns to dark alleys that reached us to a road into the Chinese cemetery. The theatre show called Donad and Gula Gula was a good one. From what I understand it was about woman exploitation in a creative way. Along the lines, along the scenes. Great job Aizat!

I foresee more to come but I hope my adventure shall expand beyond my wonders and make me grow. I'm waiting for you adventures. I hope to see you soon. :D

departure terminal one

I will never ever ever cry again like that in public. Ever again!
The JDs a.k.a Jordanians are settling down in their new place. I wish the best and pray well for them. Although I wish I could see how miserable they are, missing all of us here. Cause I miss them badly.

This weekend, I spent most of my weekend with Haasyim cause the both of us are having our own hard time with the departure. I appreciate it alot and thank you for being there and hearing our the rants. Not just him, but almost Meng and Aisyah for sacrificing their last Sept hols and risking it for me. Felt alot better! ^^

Few hours after the departure, Mama left for Chicago. At the very same terminal and same departure gate. The departure of my dear friends kept rewinding again and again. The sorrow, the happiness all jumble into one.

14 September 2013.
That was a meaningful date. It was a date to remind me that all my friends are growing up and heading their own paths and journeys. It was also the date where we gathered and reunite. It was good seeing those familiar faces. A safe and secure feeling.

Never bid good bye cause I'll see you guys soon. :)

home town

If it was still hari raya (it still is right?) I would be singing Balik Kampung yesterday. haha. Yes, I'm back in Singapore. I would like to dedicate my return to one of my best seniors who will be getting married this coming weekend! Definitely excited for her!

Here's another dedication:

I never get to properly thank my awesome and amazingly lovely bestfriend for helping me out with my first day of Uni. She even stayed to help mama out preparing and cleaning my room! I had to rush for Orientation so I had to miss out. I owe you one Ain! :*

I'll admit. I'm a K-fan. It should be okay right? :D Here's some K-people we met during medical check up. Together with our new oppas-sunbaes, we were creating a mini party in the clinic. See that girl at the far end in white? She's half turkish half chinese, speaks fluent chinese. :D And the pretty girl at the back? She's a Malaysian with an indon accent. One of the prettiest girls around.

Adila is back from Mesir after a year and we finally get to hang out as Fantastic Four! It was Ban Mian catch ups and movie marathon @ Hasanah's. Well we end up stealing naps. Apparently everyone was exhausted! But here's an achievement: I've watched The Conjuring. It was slightly disappointment though but it was okay. :B

P.S.
I miss my whole floor mates. Level 4 blk F.

Next level

I've opened a new chapter!
Day 3 of Orientation week for the international students. :D

Generally: 
How am I feeling? Honestly, I still couldn't find a description. But I definitely feel like a young adult. hahah. After years living in a condition with a helper at home, I am finally on my own. Now, THAT'S NEW!

Yes, I've been pampered.

Roomies:
I share a room with 3 other Wak Tanjong Students taking Arabic Language, Law and Education. They have been helpful. I'm still trying my best to adapt to them and all. Our room behaves well. In fact we have already inspired a student to clean up her room. haha.

I pray for a better future, cooperation and stay with residences of room 4.6

University:
Duh, it's big. I'm still grasping the fact that THIS is my University. My School. Where I will be spending my next 4-5 years or so.

Pray Well for me! :D

patience is the key to everything.

I'm a weakling.
I need to always remind myself where my place is, down on the ground.

I have always been lack of patience and tolerance. Because of this disadvantage, things around turns harder. It's harder for me to change, it's harder for me to accept changes, it's harder for me to keep it calm. I will retaliate, rebel and turn into a Monster. I'm rude and despicable.

I can't listen to others and will be too absorb to myself.
I'll turn very ugly and egoistic.
I'll be unsuccessful.

Patience is the key to everything..

I don't have any.

I should be thankful that was I was being born.

We need to learn to be grateful.

Watching those drama always turns me into this greedy love-attention-seeker-monster. The truth is, what the cast have we have it too, in fact it could have been better. It's just us, as an individual. We are never grateful and blind by these craves and wants.

We got the looks that they have but we never display is cause we think we're "too good for it"
We got the attention that they have but we would ignore it.
We got the fame that they have but we never wanted it.
We got the cash that they have but we never save it.

Humans can never be satisfied with what they have.
Cause they don't appreciate it.

- a self reminder.

Drama and Life

I have always been a bad writer. I can never make a brilliant sentence or paragraph. Although life can be cliche but it's deep and meaningful.. It's just a pity that not many can see or feel it.

I'm fine sitting at home for a long period of time but I don't prefer it at all. I'll turn lazy, slightly emotionally and wander through my thoughts. I'll think about life, about myself, about my family and friends and sometimes it hurts. Deep down inside, I am waiting. Waiting for something I'm not sure of.

I watch too much drama. I expect reality to turn into drama. I see and observe other people's life. "Why are their life such a drama and mine seems so bleak and plain?" Well that's the thing, my life is a drama of its own only I don't appreciate it. Somewhere out there, someone else is asking themselves about my drama.

Life doesn't chase for Drama.

Drama chases Life..

Hari Raya

Before heading the big U word, maybe I should hang out with some of my friends for Hari Raya. And we did! :D Alhamdulillah for 2 awesome days. 

Hari Raya With Friends Day 1: 

Meet the who we called, "Si Belings". 

These are the gangs who have been with me for 2 important years staying up all night long during tests, CAs, projects,  researches and exams. When no one was around to stay up with me and help me out, they will always be there. I couldnt thank them enough for unleashing the study potential in me. I've never been the brightest student but I work hard with their motivation and support. Once again, Thank you guys. :D 

We went around with 2 cars and a motor. Since we had exam space in one of the cars, it was time to send the motor home. This is where all the experiments begins. We swapped car and passangers here and there. Loud sing alongs, bad drivings and 2 kerat pantun everywhere. Thanks to Whatsapp Audio Notes and group chat was like a walkie talkie. "We masok AYE already!!!!" 

It was a great night with birthday surprises, nice food and great laughs. 

Hari Raya With Friends Day 2: 

My girls since Secondary 1. We are now all over the world and we are university students. Since it summer break for them, we are gathered once again but not a complete amount. Nevertheless, it was still a warm one. 

A game of charades, frontal bickering with apologies at the end, on going conjuring comments and hilarious stories. I had a funny occurrence! 

My story: It was dark in the bus and we just finished a game of charade after plenty of nonsense going on. Suddenly as I got up to alight I felt something grabbing below me. It felt extra windy below. I was pulling something below. "What on earth is this?" When I look down, I was so shocked to see.. my kain fell already! Thank god I had an inner inside. Sha and Fifi was laughing to hard and we didn't had time to react and pull it up. :'D

Well it was good at the end. Settled at Sha's place and checked out our home video from last year graduation photoshoot. The day when Diyana shared with us her wedding news. And oh my, Sha's mom remark was true. We did grew big. Everybody seems extra "happy" We put on meat. :D 

Well, five more days and I'm in guys. 

Honestly: Not looking forward to it. 

secret lesson in progress.

Back with a new experience! A burning experience! :D

It was the time of the month and here comes my cycle. This time round, the pain was unbearable. I lost appetite and felt numb the whole body. The little kids were nice enough to help me out. I got myself some boiling hot water to calm the cramps now. Guess what?

WORST IDEA EVER,

It was so hot that it is still burning with cloth. I was dapping when the cap from the tumblr accidentally opened and spilled all the hot water on me. I could barely move. I thought it was nothing when it hit me that I couldnt move. In agony, I cried silently until my dad had to carry me to bed. I was sent to A&E for a horrible experience.

Well, I learn that I got ZERO tolerance for pain. Had it checked up and was glad that I do not need to get admitted. So right now, I'm like a preggie. really. I can barely move cause I fear I might burst the bubbles. Yupp, I'm cooking skin right now. It's like an episode of alien vs terminator.

Been lying down for 2 days already. The family have been very helpful. I guess no matter how faithful your friends are, your family will never leave you alone. Mama popped in the questions, "Where's your friends?"

I'm left speechlesss.

that feeling cause I'm being

Cause I'm pretending right now when I am not okay.
I am curious and I do wish an explanation could make it better.
But it will be just a little to late for that.

"Was I worth getting ignored?"

Shattered. Who am I?