D has always been so cautious around her. Putting extra layers when you goes out, make sure she makes correct friends, always know where she's going. She likes predictions. That's just her day. Dull. Always the same routine. Nothing different. No surprises. She loves surprises but she's just scared of them.
Slowly D starts to grow up. D is now adventurous. D wants surprises. She was her own adventure. Remember the wall she fixed for herself? Well, she decided to break it down leaving just two more walls for herself. It was amazing. D got to see the world she never seen before. She ate interesting food, went to different places, met new people with different culture and surprisingly D even manage to find her own first puppy love. Well, let's just say it was short and simple. She experienced many first adventures. Her first arcade, her first movie, her first rain. Although it was a short ride, she never regret it. This made D extra stronger than she was before. She was much more confident. But D knew that this wasnt her time. She was not ready.
Then D made a new friend.
It was a tiny little wolf. D had never seen a wolf before. It was still a baby. It was the cutest thing she ever seen. The little wolf was naughty. He was fast. He's full of energy and fun. The little had no idea what he had provided to D. But D knew she was too attached to this little pup. Why shouldnt she? The little pup is the most beautiful thing that she ever seen. "This is dangerous for me. I must not be too attached to the pup." That sentence kept chanting in her mind. D and the pup went a long way. They had a great time together. Through thick and thin, D could always rely on the the little wolf. Because of this pup, D tear down two of her walls. Did she do the right thing?
The pup grew. He's big now. He knows how to control. But D is still in her own little world with no protection. She didnt listen to herself. Now the pup has power. D is scared that she was before. She has always protected herself from all of this that she threw away the pot of happiness others have to offer.
D is now afraid of:
Being barked at. being think of that he thinks. being replaced by things. being rejected. the grown up's attitude,sarcasm and sneer. when he decided to play the same game. the tense. that moment when D have to think really hard before reacting. no comfort zone. awkwardness. being put down. when he believes that D is nothing anymore. when he doesnt cheer D up.
"You use to treat me like I'm somebody. Like I could change the world. I finally believe that I wasn't useless. I finally believed that I can be a change. A purpose. A hope. You make me feel light. You tell me that I am capable of doing things and that I cheer you up. The compliments are bonus to my growing process. I can do things that I thought I couldnt. You share with me things because you know it meant something to you. It made me feel amazing and reliable. You advise me because you know you want to do something to make me a better me. You cheer me up just because you care. You wait up at night for me and wish me good night just to make sure I'm safe. You wish me good morning just to ensure that I had a good beginning. You let me lead a life just by being there. You were a system.
Now its all black and white.
Just because of you, I feel useless and vulnerable.
I feel fragile and meaningless. I know I'm going to pick myself up but it needs time.
We use to do this together, but now its time for me to do it own my own.
cause you left me aside.
I'm a fool. I'm a child.
I did't listen to myself. I told myself not to be attached and I did.
I took the risk and now I'm on my own..
This was the final straw.."
Now D knows that she can't rely on anyone. D tried so hard to adapt in her own world but she didnt manage to survive. After her hardwork of tearing her walls down, she built a little cottage inside the unforgivable forest and lived by herself all year long.
Back to square one.
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