Maroon and Gold.

Now let's see new updates!

1. Graduation! (Duh!)
2. The attempts for teaching post.
3. Self discovery, self recovery and whatever self lah.

1. GRADUATION.

It was the grand finale of the final days as a student. Officially graduating. Like any other, it was a mixed feeling. All sad, happy, shitty, excited, missed and all those. All of us were being extra pretty and handsome on that day. I swear, my G'12 was the BOMB! The ballroom was filled with happy kids, sobbing proud parents and grandparents and teachers. It was just a beautiful atmosphere. By the end of the day, we were all running around chasing people for clicks and pictures before we missed the one in a million chance. HAH! TIPU. Graduation dinner was powerr! The girls were being awesome (as usual) and made it a sweet memory not just for me, but for all of us.

After that what happen? Photoshoot sendiri style! Venue where? Memorable Airport!
Where you find all the dancers do their thang.

(To be continued..)

After a long time.

It's been hard. Just trying to keep it real and to move on.

A part of something normal is gone. I wasn't prepare for anything when suddenly it disappear. Apparently death isn't the only thing that is unpredictable.  To let go, to be brave to step the next stone haven't been easy for me. This time, it's harder.

There's many reason to keep going. It's a sad accident.
A shock.

To stay hurts and so does going. But I have to make my choice.
Which pain will stay a little less?


Ahhhh! Okay just tak suke.
I should shut up and update something good.
SOON!

Just a little one.

It has been a while since I last write. Well nothing much but everyday is currently the same old, same old. Meeting Jannah and the gang and completing the mission to finish the graduation video. So far so goood I guess. :D 90% done!


Counting the days. ONE MORE WEEK TO GO! It's a mixed feeling. I don't want it to happen but I want it to happen. I can't be forever waiting and counting the days. hah.

this post should be longer but I'm just exhausted. Honestly looking forward for the weekend, at least its few days away from "Reality"

Shall update more soon!

*jiggy within the non existing beat*

Just a message.

Dear You, 

Please stop breaking yourself without a valid reason. Let yourself fly. 

Soar high than you ever thought you can and go. 

P.S.

Don't forget to smile. :) 

prone to..

Remember that little girl I'm tutoring, well here's a story.
(it popped in cause tomorrow I have a seesion)

This girl is rather active at studying. Specifically fun studying. She's nice and adorable but yet.. she's still a girl. Here's the thing about little girls, they are not afraid to express their emotions. They cry when they want to, get angry when they want to and smile when they want to.

I'm still freaked out by last week incident and I am prone to awkwardness.
I lost my cool for awkwardness. Here's to surviving tomorrow.

---

Okay so I came back after posting this. Why because I feel like writing this new observation I just noticed. Today while having an early dinner with the girls after netball, we talked about first impressions. Wow, it was.. hmmmm. I noticed that none of us had really good first impression on one another. It was either this or that. The question is why? It kinda seemed normal. 

Is it because we were judgmental or was it because we cant make good first impression. 

I wonder how many percentage of the human race actually have good first impression. 

A loooooong week.

Mr Abdullah Ahmad finally decided to give me my Khatam pictures. Thank you! :D
Here's my experience: Although Ustazah H. was kind enough to help me prepare early in the morning, I was still superb nervous and shaky. It wasn't as smooth as I thought it will be but I am grateful. Alhamdulillah, a journey just ended beautifully. The event turn out to be like a reunion. A gathering. It had a nice aura for me and that won't happen if it wasn't for my guests. Thank you. :)
&& Thank you for making look like a bride.

The event being held at my place. 

My Quran teachers with my dad. 

My pretty female guests. 

My favourite girls <3 nbsp="" p="">

Thank you for taking your time to come over. :)

This week have been hectic with the video and editting. The team were a bunch of awesome and thoughtful people so it a good to go thing. But every sunny day has it rainy day. This is where my awesome girls come in. Impromptu ice cream date!

Waffles with Nutella ice cream and rainbow sprinklers was da bomb for sad days! :D 

Genius photobomb to make your tummy explode. 

With the cosy ambience and great music, it was the perfect place to just chill back and let time takes it course. Despite the downturn, I had plenty of laughs and smile to cheer me up. The girls did a great job doing that thang they do. It was getting late already and as soon as we left the place, the moon greeted me with full of warmth and with its beautiful brightness. It was just magical. :>


 When things don't go the way you thought it will be, breathe.
Look around, it's just around you. It will be there.

Alhamdulillah for Happiness.

Sha came home after six months at Mesir so it was time to catch up with her. Although it was just a short one and despite being tired (I stole time to take a short nap) it's the though that counts. :D It's good to see you girl.

Chubby faces after months. :P

I don't know.

Tonight, I had my face dug inside my palms. I won't let myself see another more tear, another more broken smile, another more missing pieces. Slowly, I lift my head look myself to the mirror and smile. "Smile to yourself like you mean." It didn't completely made me feel better, but it was slightly better. A nano percentage of better is better than no better. So here I am, determined with no broken smile picking up my pieces and being better than yesterday.

---

With the situation, I'm cool with it. Well slightly.
Who on earth wants a friend who takes care of the distance, counts every second to reply, wont make eye contact, takes care of the comfort zone, barely converse with you and takes extra precautions around you. It makes you feel like a freak. Like you are contaminated with a disastrous zombie flu. All of the sudden you have to be extra careful with what you do, what you say, what you dress, what you respond, what you look at, who youre hanging out with. No more comfort.

that's not a friend right?

eclipse my thoughts

I love my part few days! It's all about catching up, lovable talks and incredibles hugs. Love is definitely in the air. Right after the G12 scene {It was incredible! It was a great day with bunch of awesome people making the whole thing a success despite minor shortcomings Thank you sooooo much everybody for cooperating!} Some of us decided to hang out. Guess who??

Team awesome with our finished coffee and half eaten cake. 

The business girls from buy/sell secrets! Hahaha. It's the norm Dhannea, Qanita, Hasanah and myself featuring guest Nuramira Sari. It's been a long time since the four of us gather together. Too long I might say. I can still remember how we got together.

Story of my life: It started with a CCA club. Dhannea and I were from English KPE club while Hasanah and Q were from Malay. There was a CCA camp and we were roomies. We were noisy roomies. Unfortunately, the next day we had an important modular test to study for and that brought us closer. Handling camp activities by the day and studying by the night. But of course we will end up chatting, questioning and slowly secret-ing. This kept going because the four of us share the same red cycle. So it was more chatting and interesting talks. We drew closer to each other despite having different interest and slowly, we're just too irresistible. hahaha.

It was a fun one. A small, lepaking one. More deep talks and advices of life. Sharing out different experiences and feedbacks. Just us, a cake and coffees. Thank you lovelies. 

P.S.
Hi Nya! I know you're reading it. It's sweet to stalk huh? :p
---

Tonight, I'm letting my tears sparkle together with the stars. Tonight, my smile will hold me close together to let the breather of oxygen calm me down. Tonight, an eclipse of my cry and my smile will create wonders and miracle to my life.

Although the night is dark, the stars will still try to shine bright.
There's still pinch of possible for the impossible.

I won't give up.

Living the dream going live.

Madeehul Spiritual Rhythms was MASYALLAH! 

The concert was greeted well with the number of audience and it was a sold out concert as well. Alhamdulillah. Well some of the friends got to feel the whole production procedure of the making of a concert. It was wicked awesome! The whole kanching thing and everybody working together. Last min run through. Power! 

 Crew members from the registration, gfx, ushers and F&B

Before the Madeehul concert, there was a Muslimah convention. FREE RIDE THRILLER! It's a paying event and I'm here without even paying it. Feeling super VIP. A good convention with remarkable speakers. After the convention we had chop chop and prepare the night concert.

The boys from the backstage crew playing with smoke and photoshooting but claim to be "doing their work" 

Alhamdulillah my side from the gfx was a smooth run. I thought my team did a good job and so did everyone else too. By the end of the event, I kinda miss the whole working feel. It was a great experience. 

A nice experience with Kak Nad, Abg Hafiz and Stephanie on gfx in the control room. Abg Hafiz is too shy. 

Living the dream

It has always been my dream to get close to the whole production industry. This time round I've been given a second chance to work with Kak Nad, Stephanie and abg Hafiz along with Hasanah and Mai on Madeehul's Spiritual Rhythm concert today. 

It was epic enough to be in the control box and see the whole theatre and its going to be extra epic to work with it as well. Excited! Pray for us. Wish us good luck! 

Just the girls in our own table going through the event's line and lyrics. awesome. teeheehee.

After a long time..

I absolutely love love love yesterday!
It was just the car, polaroids, sing along to the radio, shopping, catch ups and just the perfect day to hang out with your girls. :D

We had so much fun to express any exhaustion. :D 

We had a brilliant lunch at Arnold's and talk about the most unlikely topics. But it was a good unlikely topic. It made me think and let me remain at disbelief. Well one thing for sure is that I can't believe these were (and still is) the girls that grew up together with me since primary school and look where we are right now, Uni. Our teen talks grew up as we grew older and much more wiser.

Soon it was time. Shop till you drop! We headed the town area (after surviving with weird and odd roads) and begun our adventure there. The night came faster than we thought it would. We had a nice lunch at Tong Seng and chill by the car park.

Car park hang out was the highlight! hahaha.

Today was suppose to be a production crew meeting. 

Guess who came? 

The boy who cried wolf.

My friends will be nuts that if I was to cave again. It's true it's boring, not really productive and it's depleting my social skills. Literally. But at the same time it gives me certain pros. I get to hang out with my mom (although frankly speaking, I'm not really good at it), finish up certain home stuff and gives me the time and space to think about anything and everything.

Deep down, I know I have a problem with myself. Haha. 

I am horrible at self control, lazy and I have a hard time being patient and lack the ability to listen. I deny things (ALOT!) and still denies that I'm lying to myself. Now this is the big problem. 

First I start lying to myself about thing to prevent bad things from happening. The idea of protecting myself lah konon. (yeah right!) Well, it hurts you alot more than you expect. I learn that I have to accept that fact and do something about it. Whether it's good or bad. Why? 

Because slowly, it will turn into a mess. Once you will start lying to yourself, next and slowly and gradually you will start to lie your true self and who you are. Just like how one lie will lead to another. 

(dot dot dot) 

Today, I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to make a fool out of myself. I'm going to find who I truly am and be happy with it. I don't want to be anyone else, or try to live in someone else's life. Cause who know, there will be that one person who will say "She lucky to be living in that kind of life". 

Your smile is mine.

Someone used to tell me "If you're upset, make someone else happy. You will feel happy too." Today it really meant something. :) It was Mai's idea to give Hasanah surprise. A surprise pick up from work! Although we had a hard time finding our way to Orchad, finding a car park and getting to the QL floor we finally did it! The way we slipped past by her office and that epic face! that burning red face of hers. hahah. It was a happy gutsy inside.

We were well greeted by a lovely hug from her. As always. :)

I can't wait for Wednesday's shopping spree.

Few hours before that was Madeehul's volunteer briefing. Eggcited! Looks like Mai and I got ourselves a hot spot above. :D But time will be paying our privileges. A hectic week coming up! This is gonna be fun. WEEHEEEEE~

How I spent my day

It's Saturday!
The past saturdays it will always be late wake ups or morning breakfasts with the family but this saturday is the start of something new. A New Agenda.

Meet Juhana. (Picture unavailable)
She will be my saturday morning date for every saturday. We will be exchanging something productive and brand new. I'll give her my knowledge while she teaches me something nobody would ever expect. It's her first day and she was very wonderful. :)

Baba fetched me around her area and we fetched mama.
Chilled out at Orchad with the Parents and little boy. A lovely lunch, visited epicentre and tea time at a cafe. It was a nice and lovely way to chill. Lots of love <3 br="br" nbsp="nbsp">

A mixture of hot and cold dessert with a spectacular soda pop to chill along with. 

Orange look-alike-faces. Boy-Girl-Boy. 

skim thru my thoughts.

My parents are the coolest people ever. Well at least for me.
They are always out there, looking and offering their service to help anyone. They work their butts off for my siblings. And duuuuude, I have a huge ass number of siblings and living in Singapore ain't that easy. They still provide the best for us. Best home, best education, best opportunity and even best experience. I think they have been teaching us well through out my life. They have educate us well with proper manners and ethics.

But the thought that I'm not doing my best aches me.
The thought that I misbehave, I disappoint them, I'm rude to them just.. (insert a word here)
What have I been doing to give them what deserve? The noble award to prove to them that they have been the best parents anyone could ever ask for.

I must be mental. I must be sick.
There must be something wrong with me.
These are just words and I need to start acting up.
But I'm lazy. URGH!

Well its a 2013 thing. Maybe Part One.

Yesterday, on my way home with Meng and Hannah, we played Truth or Dare.
Why? Cause we think we're cool that way. GAHA! And we had a lot of fun, laughing. "OH MY GOD! I FARTED"

BUT! Meng gave me a good Truth question.
"What is the most memorable event that happen in 2012 for you?"
GRAND QUESTION!

I think I might failed that question like 40% over 100% cause I don't know. There's so many things that I loved and enjoyed during twenty twelve. It's kinda a good thing. It even gave us a good idea. The three of us are planning to write it down and list EVERYTHING. At the very same time, we're gonna make sure we remember those events that will happen on 2013 and make it scrap book or something. YAY! CELEBRATORY!

let's keep it real.

I don't know how to say I miss you cause it seem irrelevant.
What's the point cause it doesnt even matter. Ordinary.

Truth: It seems like there's no longer those special people no matter what mood I'm in, they can make me smile. *shrugs*

Pengatin lama

After months of patience, 

SHE FINALLY DECIDED TO SHOW US HER PICTURES! 

This Nur Diyana Bte Zait ah.. 

I really miss us. Everyone is going everywhere now. :')

May Allah bless you girls and keep your body and heart in good shape. 

Amin. 

She was a good girl..

She was a good girl. A very good one. An obedient child, a loyal friend and a loving companion. She was great with her hands and generous at the heart. Her face lights up when she smile and her laughs makes babies giggle. Every touch from her was tender and every gaze from her is a bless. She was pure. Innocent. She was like beautiful winter snow.

But behind every sunny day comes a stormy weather.
Her storm, her mistake, her missteps..
.. changed everything.

What happen to the winter snow? the obedient, loyal and loving being.
She was banished from love, pain towards the eyes and reject by the nature. She was exiled, lonely and dismayed.
Just because of one tiny forbidden love.

Apparently, she is insignificant.
A petty little being.

She nearly gave up the light in her, the wonders she had in her, the self belief that kept her together. But all it takes was the wind to whisper into her ears..

"For your ears were made for hearing, 

but your heart was made to listen. 

Your eyes were made for looking, 

but your heart was made to see. 

Your hands were made for touching, 

but your heart was made to feel." 

Process of life

How am I different from everybody else?

Today my mind decided to put me in a situation.
Maybe turning it into something fictional is simpler for me to portray that situation.
Here is a tale of a girl and her conversation with herself..

Here I am again, watching you from far. You're thousands miles away from where I am right now. The bitter truth is: You don't even know I exist.

What happens if one day, our distance got closer and the miles got lesser. Would that change anything? The bitter truth is: I don't think so.

There's thousand gazillions of people out there. From 0 years old babies to 122 years old (Jeanne Calment, a French lady I checked. hehehe) around the globe. What particle of me would you even notice? Why should you? There's many of them way interesting and amazing than I am. There are people who tries to be other people (Category A) and succeed and those people who tries to be themselves but fails (Category B) and also those people who are true to themselves (Category C).

I think I belong to those in Category B. Really.
I try to be myself but will end up trying to be in someone else's shoe.
I don't know what I am. Why do I have this thought of "Why is it so hard for me to be me?" 


Answer: DEPLETION OF SELF ESTEEM. DUHHH!! GO GET A JOB GIRL!

Old lady rant.

I use to remember how of I write on my blog. It used to be youthful and excited with innocent dramas of self-expression. Everyday use to be fun. I was literally blog addicted. I'll die if I don't inform the world what I've been doing.

Even staying home was exciting!

I'm all grown out. Where's the energy?!
I'm still young. Get your butt off the couch you lazybum!

Give me time.

Cause when I learn to care, it was time to stop. To stop caring.
I had to re-learn to care a little less. To protect myself from falling hard cause I know this time round, there's no one to catch me.

At the end of the day,
it is I who get disappointed with myself.

To care a little less: 
So I wont get hurt by your words
Offended by your actions
disappointed with your reminders. 

Read

Marathon-ing for the whole week. It's going too fast.
I'm going to miss everything. But I love it. I love the speed, the improvement, the progress.
I'm happy. :)

the final straw.

D was a girl. Well, she still is a girl.
D has always been so cautious around her. Putting extra layers when you goes out, make sure she makes correct friends, always know where she's going. She likes predictions. That's just her day. Dull. Always the same routine. Nothing different. No surprises. She loves surprises but she's just scared of them.

Slowly D starts to grow up. D is now adventurous. D wants surprises. She was her own adventure. Remember the wall she fixed for herself? Well, she decided to break it down leaving just two more walls for herself. It was amazing. D got to see the world she never seen before. She ate interesting food, went to different places, met new people with different culture and surprisingly D even manage to find her own first puppy love. Well, let's just say it was short and simple. She experienced many first adventures. Her first arcade, her first movie, her first rain. Although it was a short ride, she never regret it. This made D extra stronger than she was before. She was much more confident. But D knew that this wasnt her time. She was not ready.

Then D made a new friend.
It was a tiny little wolf. D had never seen a wolf before. It was still a baby. It was the cutest thing she ever seen. The little wolf was naughty. He was fast. He's full of energy and fun. The little had no idea what he had provided to D. But D knew she was too attached to this little pup. Why shouldnt she? The little pup is the most beautiful thing that she ever seen. "This is dangerous for me. I must not be too attached to the pup." That sentence kept chanting in her mind. D and the pup went a long way. They had a great time together. Through thick and thin, D could always rely on the the little wolf. Because of this pup, D tear down two of her walls. Did she do the right thing?

The pup grew. He's big now. He knows how to control. But D is still in her own little world with no protection. She didnt listen to herself. Now the pup has power. D is scared that she was before. She has always protected herself from all of this that she threw away the pot of happiness others have to offer.

D is now afraid of:
Being barked at. being think of that he thinks. being replaced by things. being rejected. the grown up's attitude,sarcasm and sneer. when he decided to play the same game. the tense. that moment when D have to think really hard before reacting. no comfort zone. awkwardness. being put down. when he believes that D is nothing anymore. when he doesnt cheer D up.

"You use to treat me like I'm somebody. Like I could change the world. I finally believe that I wasn't useless. I finally believed that I can be a change. A purpose. A hope. You make me feel light. You tell me that I am capable of doing things and that I cheer you up. The compliments are bonus to my growing process. I can do things that I thought I couldnt. You share with me things because you know it meant something to you. It made me feel amazing and reliable. You advise me because you know you want to do something to make me a better me. You cheer me up just because you care. You wait up at night for me and wish me good night just to make sure I'm safe. You wish me good morning just to ensure that I had a good beginning. You let me lead a life just by being there. You were a system. 

Now its all black and white. 

Just because of you, I feel useless and vulnerable. 
I feel fragile and meaningless. I know I'm going to pick myself up but it needs time. 
We use to do this together, but now its time for me to do it own my own. 
cause you left me aside. 

I'm a fool. I'm a child. 

I did't listen to myself. I told myself not to be attached and I did. 
I took the risk and now I'm on my own.. 

This was the final straw.."

Now D knows that she can't rely on anyone. D tried so hard to adapt in her own world but she didnt manage to survive. After her hardwork of tearing her walls down, she built a little cottage inside the unforgivable forest and lived by herself all year long. 

Back to square one. 

UNASMUN2012

Jammed packed! 

This delegate of Bahrain have been busy with UNAS (United Nation Association of Singapore) talking politics and brain juicing for the past two days. Day three and Day four coming up. 

Am I psyched? 

Let's just say, I have been awaken by the harsh truth. 

Keep Smiling.

Have you ever been in that situation where you 

have to stop  and go at the same time?  

That situation where you have to drop  

and pick up at the same time? 

That situation when your past  

and present stimulates at the same time? 

It sounds complicated and a hassle  

..dont you think?   

Well what happen 

..if it's true? What do you do? 

It's challenging. It really is. 

But everyday you wake up to a second chance 

and you have to keep on going. 

You keep pushing and pushing and pushing  

and looking at the bright side.  

You keep on hiding and hiding and hiding 

everything that you should from 

everybody else and just keep smiling  

although it hurts alot.  

Blind the pain 

and embrace the grace I guess. 

But this effort,  

 will it make you happy or the other you happy? 

Is this effort,  

 for you or is it for someone else. 

-- The End. 

Usually, I will die. I will die if I stay home all week but I got what I wanted. To chill and lay back. :D 
So during the weekend, it was fun time with the parents. TEAM PISANG FTW! 

Today, spent my day with more movies and korean variety shows. Well yes, I'm into them right now. Just Running Man though. Just that. Fullstop. Spent my morning watching this teary movie, Wedding Dress. 

 Like a baby I cry. Although you know how the storyline is, it will never get enough. You keep wanting for more. It's a touching story about a trouble little girl who slowly lost her mother who suffers  from cancer. This is her journey pulling herself to be strong not just for herself but for her mother as well.

My favorite part. She pretends to know nothing after hearing her mother's pain and left the house holding her tears. You can see how strong she tried to pull herself together.

This made me think. What have I been doing to get myself closer to God. What have I been doing to make myself better than yesterday. What have I been doing to make today a day not like any other day. What if today is my last day?

More crying for this part. A radio message for Omma.

Track Meet.

I had an incredible ending for November. Alhamdulillah.
This amazing father of ours decided to take us out for dinner and ice cream. Y A Y ! :D
Plus it was incredible session for some catching up with my girls from Irsyad.

Dhania's is still on her A's mode yet she still came down. I salute her. It's been two years since I last see her and most of Athletics girls. While waiting for the whole team to arrive we chatted and shared our life story. How now most of us are just waiting for results and university application. "Don't mention the T word" Its still unbelievable for most of us that we're twenty soon.

Soon it was ice cream. The ice cream was the bomb! It was fresh and I love the shop concept. It was edgy and simple. The shop had chalkboard walls with scribbles, a wall and a small table for art and drawing and the whole shop was filled with pictures of the customers. It was a brilliant cozy concept. 

Brr-lliant desserts for the speeders. Team twenty ten. 

Incomplete team. Sir's 4 x 200 gold medalists. 

We have our own tale. Last min arguements, night training, private coaching, injury that nearly cause the team to split. I still remember how the team risked our legs the day before the meet. At the end, it was tears of joy when our last runner hit the red ribbon. Our win was really the event of the day and it was a miracle. 

(Right picture) 

Syuhada was one of the mates that I always missed. She's incredible. 

&& Dian is a pretty junior I absolutely adore. 

Just a random picture with AC3 and Syu. Everyone was taking pictures and we decided to do one too. :D I miss her. I miss our days. 

At the end of the day, Sir will always leave with a message for us. "Let's continue the legacy" 

It was a message, a wake up call for me actually. To always stay in touch with your friends. The importance of being together as one. It was deep. I cant use my word to describe what he said. Thank you Sir.