"if you can't convince them, confuse them"

Bahas 4PM heat is back. :D It's earlier but definitely back!
It was good to meet the 4PM bahas people again. There were the veteran AJK, my debate mates and of course fresh new faces. I'm glad I joined this year to help out with the perkampungan.

This year, my juniors not only they are talented debaters, they are hardworking debaters. They sacrifice their night and let the midnight oil burn even I couldnt take it. But they did it! Both teams were qualified to the Quarter finals and secure to save top 5 position. It was a tough match but they did it. Seeing them debate and work hard with the research makes me feel jealous and made me miss my times. I want to be there, beradur taji di medan perbahasan. 

This year, the camp wasnt held at NUS instead it was at Sembawang Camp Challenge to add in the kampung vibes. Well, they did it! It was indeed a kampung vibe. I feel very close to many people. I made new friends with those who I use to know and those I just got to know. :) Perkampungan was awesome as usual. The games, the punishments need to do, the laughing here and there. It was great! 

I was assigned to Sidang 4 and I thought I was going to be alone until kak Fauziah annouce. "Aidil Sidang 4 dengan Shazaa" I was hoping for someone that I know of. Ape boleh buat, go je. :D But, I'm glad he was the logistic for that sidang. We swapped pengerusi and penjaga masa and we worked together to make that sidang "the most prepared"and  "born to be ready". Exchanged sticky notes message in the midst of bahas and made fun and even seek revenge of what's going on. muhahaha! It was nice meeting you "Muhammad" Ahmad Aidil. Q was at the sidang next to me which makes it easier for me to feel comfortable. As usual, she will always be there for me when I'm in need. Definitely a friend in need is a friend indeed. :) I love you Qanita~ 

along come the waves

I always love friday nights after work. Those fast pace dinner plans withe the ladies. This time wrong it was a larger crowd with more laughter, smile and stomach aches. :D Dinner at town with the ladies has always been the best every since I started work. A push to keep on hanging. && they were very much understanding when I had to settle few work while we were having dinner. Thank you girls, you made my friday night awesome <3 div="" nbsp="">

Weekend shooting! A hardcore work week. Glad it's over but the season is not. Hang in there girl. Your ship is rocking but you'll stand firm. Wish me luck!
It't the end of the month, what does that mean?
$$$$$$$$$$ (yay!!!) 

run to catch up

"It's already Thursday?!" "It has been a month already!" 

Time flies fast when you're having fun. hahah. Yepp, trying to be optimistic here. Another episode to go this weekend yet we're still missing one thing. Final chance: Tomorrow. Hoping for the best. Wish me luck! :D 

Let's back track a little bit. Guess who was nice enough to have dinner with me? 

We were suppose to be at 4PM crew briefing but I had shoot and he heard that I was going to be there. Since we were free afterwards, I decided to ring him up and catch up. We had Shifa to join for a while. Went shopping for his mother's birthday gift and had lunch and maghrib at the mosque. :D 

 Ever got splashed by the opposite gender? Cause we did. :D
Dolah and Shifa wanted to splat some cheesecake on me when some defensive counter attack hit me. Can't imagine the situation? Well, it was pure drama. Girl got mad, girl splash water on guy, guy shocked, people gasp, girl stormed away. Yeah that story.. hahah! But this time it didnt just end that way. Guy filled cup. Guy drank cooly. Girl wasnt paying attention. Girl looked back and SPLASH! I bet the crowd from CBTL were confuse on what's going on. hahah. But it was a nice gathering. Awkward, hyper acting, stormy yet amazing. Thank you. :>

how simple turns complicated

My colleagues that taught me things they could have never imagine. 

I can't seem to find a right opening for this post. haha. 

I begin to learn what school was trying to do for our future. For our work life. Of course i can't regret it now but I have to learn and do it. Maybe it's the same excat way what's life is all about. Today in the real  world somewhere there it's trying to tell us something to prepare us for the hereafter. It's my choice now, to accept it or blind myself to it. 

Honestly I begin to see things beyond what I expected. I begin to learn something about myself and others. I begin to know how to kill my old habits and the disadvantage of few other things. It has been a short ride but I see many thing I could never imagine. 

Work got me closer to God. It helps me see how close and devoted am I to the Almighty. I left my comfort zone to see what is needed to be seen. I learn the simplest things my parents thought me and how little things matters. I learn that being in the comfort zone is dangerous. You hurt people. There's boundaries and limits to it. Being close to the comfort zone is another story. I learn to listen to what I have to say before saying. It's tough. To say and to talk it's not easy. Talking is easy but the content is hard. I see with my own eyes how people work to aim for the stars and now I know why I always fall for the skies. I learn and begin to understand the real meaning of reading, but I still neglect them. I can be caring, but I chose not to. But the smile and elated faces when I see those appreciative faces and gesture with my small offers, it brings sprinkles in me. I learn to work quick, I learn to work fast, nice and smart. 

I begin to see who I am today, truly. And I begin to see how I can improve myself. 

And to improve yourself is not easy. It takes practice and practice needs alot of determination, consistency and discipline. 

I feel so sad for myself. I feel so deprive..

But I'm happy. Alhamdulillah. :) 

Pondering with the ponder

It felt too close to what's going on right now. I can't only breathe it out and tell myself to breathe and endure. Pray everyday to have some strength to see what what's happening before my eyes. It's hard. It has been months, despite the effort and attempts, there's nothing else to fight for. "Shazaa you've let go too much of your ego already, let it go." 

I want to give up, I do but deep down I'm still holding on. 

I'm grateful that I got a job to worry and get stress about. (So thought won't drown me) I manage to figure out few things about myself and learn new things about life and expectations and experiences to keep. This week was a surprising. A day of epic moments, plenty of surprises and unexpected mental break down. Here's few: 

1. People who know me would say I am very positive and optimistic. WRONG. There are levels of optimism and I'm not even place anywhere close to high optimism. 

2. I lose my colors on my face and totally blanked out if I reached extreme stress-ness. Jannah was shocked to see me in that stage. Even I was surprise to experience that myself. I complete blanked out, stare at the thin air and took out my nothing box from my brain and think nothing. 

3. Most of my friends who knows my stories, whom I'm comfortable with are girls. No wait, all of them are girls. I find it very uncomfortable to do it with any guys except for the exceptional who is decide to go MIA starting from now. Five years for listening aid, gone. No warranty. 

4. Writing looks simple but it's damn hard! REALLY! You need to read for you to write. I got to start reading alot. I'm horrible at writing. Words really play a huge important role in the society. Judging are always wrong but if you judge right, you're just lucky. 

5. I hate making phone calls! I am lazy! committed but lazy!

There's more but it's okay. I'm done here. 

lots of love, 

Shazaa. 

Slate take two.

First week of work: CRAZY ALREADY!
I can't even catch a breathe and the storm gave me a bang in the head. I am Dorothy right now a.k.a spinning inside a house that is caught by a tornado into The Land of Wizard of Oz.

Truth: It has been very very challenging but I'm going to fight it! Every problem has its solution. Every way in there's a way out. I just have to think.

On the other side of the meadow, it has been fun. The crew and the production people have been very very nice and friendly. Although I just met them, they know how to keep everybody connected and cheerful whereas for this noob, I'm still learning. Kak Suriana have been very very very supporting and also patinece with me. She never fail to make sure I'm fine and push me to work harder. Apart from that Abg Harry the cameraman will always make sure I'm having fun and keep it calm. Not forgetting Kak Sha the make up artist and the client Kak Ainul for their presence has given me comfort and gave splendid support during my first few noob days.

One thing I learn is that the talents are ordinary people. It is just us who create them and put them in between us this wall. They are who they are because of us when they are just ordinary. I'm still trying to break that stereotype thinking inside me.

Well, I hope the future projects I will be well taken care off, learn more, meet more new people and change insyallah. Right now, I am grateful to God for giving me the strength and for always being there.  I'm holding on tight. Insyallah one day.. just one day..

Slate take

It's Monday! Done with Mai's four days stall at Expo. Been helping her almost all day from morning til night and it was awesome. It was very heavy hearted to leave just like that. I enjoyed the four days of entrepreneurship just to add in the experience to my experience box. I had great fun helping out and even meeting (insyallah) future schoolmates. Getting to know them and all. One thing I do miss is the Gelato there! fullstop. 

So again, it's Monday which means... FIRST DAY OF WORK! 

It was busy busy busy. I have to pay real close attention and act fast. I have to remember alot of things and work on it. When I thought things are getting done, slowly it piled up again. Well I enjoyed the fast paced cause it teaches me to calm down real quick and think fast. So far alhamdulillah, a nice first day. My mentor, Kak Suriana, the producer was the real deal. She helped me alot and was really cool. I could have not done it without her so I'm going to keep on trying my best and do well, Insyallah. Wish me luck! 

Got myself an email and an access card. I feel sooo lucky. hehehe. 

Left work with these ladies. Suddenly Screenbox was filled with many sweet hijab ladies. We got a thumbs up from Cik Mah. haha. 

Will be shooting tomorrow. Assistant Producer on the set tomorrow. FIRST TIME! Scared but I have to remain calm. Again, wish me luck! Bismillah. 

to never say sorry

TIME FOR A NEW WRITE! :D
Well Alhamdulillah this girl is no longer jobless! Although I feel guilty and bad for just sitting home and wasting my time (no, I'm just lazy) it's time for me to get back and start working! No more unorganized lifestyle.

I am thankful to Kak Suriana for taking care of me while doing my project basis work at Screenbox cause this girl just got herself a job as an assistance producer. Scared as crap! Really. I have no reason to say no and this is what I came for, so all I have to do is face my fears. Insyallah Kheir. I hope my future crew members will take good care of me and I will work hard. Amin.

Mai opened up a stall at Expo!
So I decided to come down and give my support to help her out. Some makcik just propose to me to be a property agent. Hah! Apparently I speak well. Cik, itu ikot mood je. :D

Alhamdulillah, it has been a blessed. I guess all I need to be, is to be thankful. :)

DONE WITH LOVE RAIN!

HOMG! THUMBS UP! It was good drama. Good drama indeed. :B
I miss the casts already.

12 zests

Another trip to Universal Studio Singapore! :D
This time round, it was with the awesome bunch of friends. A mini grad trip. hahaha. It was an awesome day with the sun, annoyance and laughter. Well of course the revenge of Mummy and Cylon was our favourite.

BUT! Here's the zest!
during our roller coaster rides, we had to sing a song, look and search for muzap and scared the bricks out of each other. Thank you Aum and Mateen for scaring me till I hit the ground. Grrrr. && It was good to bump into Azrul as well. Rajin Abang USS pleasing the tourists. :D




Haasyim was awesome enough to layan my dare. Free hugs for the people of USS! Q and I had fun playing around New York strutting along the way. The boys had fun at Eygpt though while the girls kept trying hard to catch all the shows but to no avail. haha.

We were all tired and happy. We didn't want to leave the place but all good things have to come to an end. We sabo the March kiddies. Happy birthday Muzhaffar and Rushdy! :D

to tear of joy

This weekend was a bless. It's still fluttering inside my heart. 

A warm and simple bless. 

On friday, I finally get to hug that favourite girl of mine whose back for the holidays. Welcome home Ain Nabila! Then met the little kiddies for netball. Annoying little minions I adore. It's been too long since I last played with them. Today, all the ache was worth it. I love you kids. Study hard! Hahaha. 

After too much it was time to settle down with the girls from Irsyad. REUNION! I was an hour late but they were awesome enough to greet me well. My lovely friday night was splendid and ended beautifully because of them. Thank you! 

The day before friday, 

we had mini celebration for mama's birthday at the Airport. Finally a complete family dinner. We even had our own mini photoshoot using the parent's iphone and a runway to sprinkle a little fun to it. 

Alhamdulillah for this past awesome days. 

ONE MORE DAY TO MORE SCREAMS! 

ruin is the road to transformation

"But I miss him" 
"So miss him! Then drop it." 

just an hour away

This awesome fella a.k.a Tan Sri Mokhson (aka Vice Principal) made our nonsense rants a dream come true. It only started with a lunch treat and some of us started to spout an random vacay trip to Batam. "Boleh aje. Set date ah" OWNED! The next thing we know, our team leader got a text from him that the ferry fare will be on us (which was superb cheap!) and lunch and tour guide will be on me. Guess what, he spent more than that. DDD: 

Batam with the 30 pax was the bomb! Alhamdulillah. It started with many "factory" outlets and then the fun begin! 

Halal ice cream eating, Go kart racing with shower caps, polaroid crazy, paintball shooting and flying fox with pervert trainers (who seriously minta kene slap one, thank God me and my friends weren't victims) After all fun end, it was makan time. We makan BIG TIME RUSH! There was crab, big fish, soup, siput gong gong, veggies, kelapa muda. Masyallah! Seafood heaven. 

What's a trip without shopping? We headed Nagoya Hill for our shopping spree (where SM and some of us got to witness a real steal-in-progress scene which was historical! a theft got her hands inside the bag already when we caught her red-handed) and some munchies! J.CO mixed berry with yogurt was soooooooo goood! Alhamdulillah. 

After a tiring long day, we conquered the whole 2nd level of the ferry. Walked here and there and even took charge of the open deck. It was a beautiful night by the sea with the half moon and a little sprinkle of the stars. I can sit there all night long if I had that view every single night. Masyallah! 

saying with a blow

"Then who am I who am I to stand in your 

Way that I feel is no longer your burden"

application

Good morning lovely readers. :D
Well I'll be driving to KL soon. It was suppose to be a 2D1N thing but parents "surprised" me with the news that it's today. Leaving at.. I don't know what time but I'm ready.


Yesterday was the school's main event. Maulidul Rasul and I liked it. It consisted mostly of the Aljunied family and a minor amount of out guests but it felt like a humongous family gathering. ^^ The speakers were all Junied Graduates which makes it even more heartwarming.

Afterwards it was just a random girl chat at coffee bean with the girls. My juniors definitely know how to make me miss school even more. Well what can I say, they're family already. My train ride home was teary. An impromptu teary heart-to-heart talk. I didn't expect it to be that. Talking about something closer to the heart.

Dear M,

I know this may cliche and we're not that close, if you need someone to hang out with or just make you feel better with whatever is going on with you, my sister and I are pleasure to have you around and make you smile. You've taught me something and it was a real eye opener. God bless you always. :)

It's Saturday morning.

Because it's friday tonight. (nope, no it isn't)
It's late and I'm feeling like a typical blogger writing away in the middle of the night. The center of "inspiration" Honestly, I got nothing much to say. HA.

So anyways, the March holidays are coming up and I'm busy for a week. Why do I bother about the holidays when I've been on vacay for such a long time. Well I don't know? Cause it's special? (Say WHAT?)

Hang out with Shifa and Hannah today after a long time.
Just a random chill by the window at noisy peak hours 18 chefs and talk about our usual.
Family. Us. Future. Husbands and weird ass imaginations and prediction. I run a wild family but still love them all. Muacks!

That's all for now.
Toodles~

it say it all

I think that all the silence is worse than all the violence
Fear is such a weak emotion that’s why I despise it
We scared of almost everything, afraid to even tell the truth
So scared of what you think of me, I’m scared of even telling you
Sometimes I’m like the only person I feel safe to tell it to.
I’m locked inside a cell in me, I know that there’s a jail in you
Consider this your bailing out, so take a breath, inhale a few
My screams is finally getting free, my thoughts is finally yelling through
- Lupe Fiasco - Words I Never Said 

Regular updates.

My passion for production is coming true! :D
This girl got herself a part time at Screenbox. A local media production Yay! It isn't a regular basis kind of job. More like a project basis kind of thing. Well, I'm grateful cause I get to see the base of every awesome show and episode. The mastermind behind every tale. I might start small for now but insyallah one day eh? Hehe. Time to dream big.

Finally after months. Q and I get to spent time with Abang. Had lunch after work at our normal spot and suddenly an impromptu arcade fest! It was hilarious to be true. Abang gained weight after his trip to India. Dessert maniac.

&& Lately this girl has been really working hard to make my day. I couldnt thank her enough for the silly deeds she did. I am superb thankful to have such a friend like her. Keep up being the most "dislike" person in my life love. ^^

Things have been bumpy in my mind. 3AM and night breezes seem to be very attractive to me lately. It would be lovely to have a company at such hour to just hang out with me. I guess it's my turn to soul search myself. Who is this girl?

Just a chill Monday

It's been a long time since I enjoyed a great breezy day by the beach. :D 

Alhamdulillah. Just lepak sembang and enjoy with the minahs. haha. 

We met Little Syafiy, Shazly and their mom at MCD while doing our break at MCD. As usual being the adorable him, it was hard to leave the place. The wind was awesome and the view by the jetty was amazing, Subhanallah. But things got hilarious when Q's epic bicycle fail happened. So much for a "spoil" bicycle. 

God was being merciful and our fate met this most comfortable sofa ever at ECP. 

It was too soon to end our day so we sat at Popeye and talked about the most random-est thing anyone can ever think of. I thought it was a rather an awesome lepak session where you don't need to worry about anything but chill back and relax. :) Thank you MAPOTI! for the day. 

a next phrase

I believe in my parents. What they want for me and what's the best for me.
They know me. They know my ways and how I roll. Well not how to be awesome (AHA!) kind of rolling but more of how I study and how they envision my future will be like.

Envisioning for my future.....

I love them. They've planned my path since long ago and of course with what they know, let's say they are qualified to know what's going on. But is this really what I want?

I'm still young.
I don't know what's best for me. I don't live long enough like them to know what's going on. Wanting something doesnt mean it's the best for us.

This is my story.
My parents have been planning my route for my next phrase of life. They are excited for it. Thrilled and joyous. To see them being all overwhelmed of course is a good feeling. I decided to take that path, to follow their  wants because I believe they know what's best for me. But suddenly, why am I not feeling it anymore? Why the sudden bag of fear hit me? Even if I don't like my course, I know I'll survive, I can adapt plus I'm doing a favor for my parents and insyallah for my future society. I respect them and I want to make that happy that why I'm doing it.

I want to apply for the Turkey scholarship. I want to study there, to study what? I don't know. It might  even drift away from what I want to do in the future. But I want to build myself there. The parents wants or advices me to take up law at IIUM and this seems much more steady that clear than an unpredictable vision if I were to head Turkey. It's such a heavy weight for my mouth to say something to them. It's like I have nothing to say. The procedure they've gone through to get me, the effort and enthusiasm makes it even more harder for me. I guess I have to accept this.

At least this will make them happy. To study with your parents' bless.
God will help you.

I'm still young..

OHO!

I'm going to keep it in my mind that..
Some people are beautiful. Not because of how they look, or what they say but just because they just are.

They just are. Beautiful with what they are.
Just like magic. :)